Bank Holiday Monday

Sadly no show

Tuesday 1st September

Fist Fights

Premise : The sign that you're getting old, is when you haven't witnessed a good fight in a long time. You're as young as the last fight you saw.

Evaluation : Firstly, the callers were unusually lively for the first show of the week, however being a Tuesday this is not too surprising. The description in Tommy's intro of the all too common fist fight was spot on, especially his observations on participant's mates pulling them away from their fellow aggresser, stating "He's not worth it Terry!". Of course, it's not what his mate says that makes him retreat, it's the fact that the other party now knows he's called Terry. But, yes, this perfectly describes the majority of one-on-one scraps, that mainly take place in take-aways following a verbal exchange over a woman in the local night club. One point that wasn't made was, why is it that during a fight, one party always has their brother with them? Real testosterone pumping stuff!

Classic Quote : Tommy to Paul, who's never had a fight in his life, and is compared to a character on The Simpsons, "You're the most Flanders like wimp I've ever come across!"

Interesting Point : At a Frank Sinatra concert, people seemed more interested in a fight that started at the back, than they did in old blue eyes singing New York, New York.

Angry Hour

Wednesday 2nd September

Physics

Premise : A first in a series of Mr Boyd the teacher, addressing the listeners and callers as his pupils. This week kicked off with Tommy taking the superior position of his Welsh physics teacher.

Evaluation : When I first heard the accent that Tommy was using, I was afraid that he was revisiting the Indian accents hour. As was neatly observed by one of his callers, it was not the best of Welsh imitations, unless of course Tommy's physics teacher use to sell sheep tikka masala! But the accent was consistent, and the added sound effects of science lab plumbing, coupled with the teacher-like overtones of Tommy's delivery, made me feel back at school and being patronised again. Physics was never my strong point, so I listened with undying curiosity to see if I could be re-educated. Ultimately, it re-inforced the reasons why I chose to ignore the sciences in higher education. Enlightening to the intellect, and yet at the same time the relevance and passion of the discussion is lost on anybody other than pro-science geeks! Fresh stuff.

Classic Quote : Mr Boyd "Oh so you're using my evidence and my tuition, to undermine the theories that I'm teaching, Bagwati!"

Interesting Point : Good Afternoon was announced??? I think he's losing it big style!

Thatcher and Eticate

Premise : The most crippling legacy of the Thatcher years is the erosion of good table manners.

Evaluation : Tally ho! The show boldly went up a class or two, and basically made concrete evaluations about modern day eating habits, and lack of eticate. One can't help but think, "Yeah so?". The debate meandered and digressed into an argument on Indian meals and how best to eat them without cutlery, and there was even talk on people's bottoms! Not a bad hour, it had it's moments!

Classic Quote : Tommy, "But Fancy being saddled with listeners like Cassandra, for GOD sake, honestly!"

Thursday 3rd September

Corsets

Premise : A celebration of corsets. They are Fantastic!

Evaluation : Any hour has got to be more than very good with a Brothel worker, a lady who writes erotic literature, someone who works at a massage parlour, a discussion on bondage, and a caller claiming to be erect whilst he was driving because of the discussion. Tommy said that men should be able to pull into the hard (I know!) shoulder if that should happen. Peter in Birmingham came on raving about the Ian Collins show and calling Tommy a tosser. Ultimately, he was asked to describe his living room, what he was wearing, and what he looked like. Unfortunately for Peter, he answered those questions, and the result is below. A classic hour in every respect.

Classic Quote : Tommy to Peter, "Well Peter, I mean in the nicest possible way, hard luck! On all of that, because that's awful, and you've made an awful lot of people listening to this program feel absolutely wonderful, because... they're not you! And it doesn't matter how down somebody's thinking, but you Peter have given everybody a boost... all of us are glad about one thing, and that's we're not you. I can see you, I can see him now, shuffling along with a pair of carrier bags the strings tight with all that cat food!"

Interesting Points : After pointing out that Ronald Reagan was saved by a bullet proof corset, Tommy then went on to say that JFK would be alive today if he'd have worn a corset on his head!!!

There was even the mention that the fashion industry is heading toward a horizontal fly-hole for men? Yeah, like a certain part of our anatomy actually rests sideways when comfortable??? Rumour has it that Bill Clinton has fully endorsed them!

A bloke rang up after buying a car radio that just happened to be tuned into the show, asking if Tommy was the same bloke he use to watch on Magpie in the sixties!!! Fantastic!

Frankenstein

Premise : The way medical science is progressing, it won't be long before Frankenstein is walking the streets of Britain, made up of other people's limbs and organs. But should he be allowed a disabled sticker on his car?

Evaluation : There's definitely been something in Tommy's coffee for the past 12 months or so. First it was Father Christmas, then Elves, and now Frankenstein! At least this time round he doesn't believe that Frankenstein already exists, nor believes in him. Like it's predecessors this one was yet again a corker. Again we are blessed with a representative from the Christian sector of society, and although I hate these people with a passion, it's always refreshing and delightful to hear them being grilled, by the one and truly entity worthy of any sort of kneeling and worship - but that's enough about James Whale!!! Superb!

Classic Quote : Tommy to Michelle from Surrey (Christian) "You wouldn't have Frankenstein in your church, but you wouldn't want to be the vicar who stopped him coming in would you?"

Interesting Point : One lady phoned in and tried to correct Tommy's definition of Frankenstein, being that of the creators name and not the monsters. Well if you go by the dictionary definition, you can have either, and what is more reliable than the dictionary for an explanation of the English language?

Friday 4th September

The Wonderful Hour

Wasps

Premise : Wasps have no use whatsoever, so let's squash them!

Evaluation : Everyone hates wasps, they are awful, and I agree with Tommy on his suggestion of squash a wasp day, at a rate of a pound a wasp! I love almost all of the hours were the show is attacking something, be it an inanimate object or not. It feels great to collectively listen to a verbal assassination of something you've never really thought of much. A psychologically feel good hour, as way of revenge for all those traumatic and literally frightening and skin jumping experiences every single human being has had to endure throughout their lifetime, and especially childhood. This one was a stinger!

Classic Quote : Tommy "Even animal rights campaigners agree. Wasps, and in fact, all flying insects, are there to be squashed!"

Interesting Point : Tommy so rightly points out that those people who see a spider in the bath and don't want to kill it, find something to pick it up with and throw it out into the garden, and of course the spider will die because it's a house spider and will be eaten by some sort of bird or other predator. So, he says, you may as well squash them! Brilliant!